Feeling that stress...

The next few weeks will test my strength, endurance, patience, and my sanity. Taking 18 hours of school is tough enough but when you throw into the mix a family, job, and other responsibilities like a house and sick dog, life can become overwhelming. I know the amount of support I have from family helps a lot, but sometimes I wonder how it is able to all get done. There are times when I feel on top of the world and then there are times where I feel smothered by it. I have a an idea of owning and island one day and living on it and doing absolutely nothing. I'll limit those who visit and how long they stay. I just want to sit on a hammock on the beach and do absolutely nothing. But i know my personality. I need to be constantly going. I love to stay busy, but I also enjoy that time to myself that comes too seldom at times. I think my island dream is just a defense mechanism with coping with all of the stressors in life. I do enjoy my life and I'm so grateful for all the opportunities I am given, but sometimes its hard handling all of it. Some days I don't even know where to start. Whether its my day or a specific project. And I enjoy the days where there are no obligations I have to do, but I can decide to just go do something. Whether its a drive around the airport with Noah or taking him to his first movie. Or just sitting on the couch doing nothing.

I know what it all is. Its called role overload. I have so many different roles to uphold that it is hard to manage all of them. They overlap too much sometimes which causes an area to suffer. I hate that because that's where the guilt comes in. Even now I'm taking the time to blog instead of finishing up group projects that are due the upcoming week. I struggle with perfection. Not being perfect of course, but trying to be. Its hard to be mediocre. Haha. But I'm learning to adjust. Every situation brings a new type of adjustment, a new experience to learn from. That's all I can hope for is to just sit back and learn sometimes.

Today, I just feel like putting words on paper. I should be doing school work, but since I don't have anything immediately due, I'm not rushing to get anything done. Sure, a few weeks from now I'll be scrambling. But doing everything early is way too easy. This has been a good week. I signed up to take the LSAT a few days ago. Even though I have no idea on how well I'll do, it still felt good to say I signed up for the test. I'm taking steps to better my future. I'm doing something that I want to do. Its thrilling. And even if I don't get into law school, I know I tried... and I won't give up. I'm so fortunate to be where I am today. I was looking on face book at people that I went to school with back in elementary school... well tried to find people I remembered. Elementary school was rough for me, at least towards the end. I know people probably thought that I would amount to nothing, but I see where I am today, and I just want to rub all their faces in it. Haha! I know that's bad of me, but I want people to know that I didn't give up. That I overcame everything and am in a place in my life that's pretty awesome, for the most part. The teachers who thought I would probably never get it, I want them to know that I get, and so much more now. I know, though, that if it weren't for God, I would not be here. To Him I owe it all and I wish I did more to live for Him. But I also owe some to myself. And though I'm not there yet, the path I'm on, though its hard, is looking dang good!